I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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