i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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