Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
