1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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