This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
