Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
