well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
