Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You are a genius and a whore.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
