textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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