Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
tell me about the eggs
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