so explain again why im purple
no
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it hurts more in the daytime
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
