She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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