I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
