just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize