Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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