Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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