Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
