we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize