she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
