I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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