I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
