I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
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I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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