Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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