just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
