Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
