quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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