so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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