Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
