I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just gift wrapped bread.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
