the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
