I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
