Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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