Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
These tits shall not be calmed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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