can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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