you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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