I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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