just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
