woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
