just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
