dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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