Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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