Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
