I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
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Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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