what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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