can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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