She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
