Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
