I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
