Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
