Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
