I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
