he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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