watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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