He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
