I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
