yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
