i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
