You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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