if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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