This girl is more easily done than said...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
