FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
