I am spending my child support on dildos
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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