I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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