My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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