someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
