Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize