it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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