i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
