I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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