Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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