well you can't waste a boner
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
