After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She told me I should be a condom model.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
