You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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