That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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