Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
