she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
