and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You have to summon your inner elephant
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
