he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize