You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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