KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
