I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
