Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
