I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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