Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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