The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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