every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
